What have I been doing? That is a very good question with a long and rambling answer. 2018 was beautiful and grotesque.
Come, let’s chat.
Graduated. Went to a concert. Learning another new position. Went to more concerts. Worked over time. Went to more concerts. Went to the beach. Protested and screamed. I got emergency surgery, and deeply enjoyed powerful narcotics while taking advantage of the vacation time I earned, but had not anticipated using for recovering on medical leave. (I returned the majority of the pills they gave me to the hospital to be destroyed, no worries! But what I took, I liked very much and I understand how/why people get addicted to that shit and I see the quantities they prescribe- fucking RIDICULOUS.)
I traveled probably thousands of miles, some of them internationally to see Ghost way too many times. I’ve spent time bonding with some of the best people I could ever hope to meet. My favorite rock star knows my name and some of them throw me guitar pics (that bounce off my my face, whoops!).
I got a call that my dad had a heart attack in Mexico.
I went back home, saw my parents bitten by time. I cried in my bed, while feeling all sorts of memories and emotions overwhelm me.
I avoided the messages of toxic men that left me ravaged in the past. I have never felt weaker, or more powerful in the same breath in my life. I cried so hard my eyes were puffy the next morning, and I had forgotten that I had cried so hard the night before.
I reunited with old friends. Had the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had in my life with my parents. I laughed with them when I told them that they weren’t the ones holding me back from living my dream life, but poverty was.
This is only sort of true.
I’m living well, my complaints are few, and superficial.
I’m officially a crazy cat lady. I am the proud cat mother of a beautiful smol black panther named Lucy, but I baptized her as Lucy Purr. (Sorry, I found it quite funny…) you can follow my, errr, her IG here: It’s Lucy Purr
For 2019 I have basic, generic, boring resolutions: pay down debts, to eat a diet that is something that will keep me in high energy and filled with nutrients and to learn how to swim. I’m not looking for a Victoria’s Secret model body. That is not what I was born with, that is not what I will die in and I plan to spend a lot of time on this planet. I will stop hating this fine machine I was blessed with while I’m on this carousel around the sun. It’s all irrelevant if I don’t take advantage of this all access pass to living if I’m pent up with hate when I could be out soaking up good times.
Anyway- My fun 2019 new year resolution- learning to swim: I took swimming classes as a child, but I’ve all but forgotten the skills I picked up then. I am learning to learn again, with no ego, no fear, just an open mind and patience. What was once wired can be rewired. I can unlearn and learn again. I can hit backspace and I can delete forever. I can and will rewrite. I will cast out the bad, I will cast off the heavy things, and soak my heart in helium to feel it float and coast on sweet winds.
I have never been afraid take the straw, spin it into gold. I will call Rumpelstiltskin by his name and he will be my devotee.
2018 was not an easy year by any means, but it was the same 365 days that marked the year for everyone else, and I will not be ungrateful that I spent most of it in good spirits, with my wits about me and my heart full.
Immediate future plans:
A road trip to see the sexy sexies Interpol who are legends in my book. A high school friend of mine is going with me and we will see them twice in February. After two nights of dark and lusty tunes, we will be going to see Mexican rock gods Caifanes.
In other words, 2019 will be a continuation of living my best 16 year old life.
As I will it, so mote it be.